Divorce is already challenging, but adding the chaos and traditions of the holidays can add an entirely different emotional element. The first holiday season, in particular, can be especially difficult. Tackling these emotions and challenges head-on will help you take charge of your emotions.
First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. Give space to feel the emotions associated with grieving your relationship that has ended. These feelings can range from anger, sadness, and maybe even loneliness during the holiday season. You may have already healed and gone through these feelings, but the holidays can, and will, bring them back up to the surface.
Open your mind to new traditions as a possibility. This is your time to make memories with your new family dynamics. Ask your children about what they would like to do, and be open to new ideas. This can help get buy-in from your children and also take the pressure off of trying to recreate traditions. Even though things are different, this is okay and can be fun.
It’s important to communicate with your co-parent about the holiday schedules. This is crucial to establish expectations and minimize conflict. Be open to celebrating on a different date than the actual holiday. This can be challenging, but it doesn’t have to be a negative. It allows your children to relax and not feel pulled in two directions, and each parent can enjoy the fullness of whatever is planned.
Holidays can already bring stressors. It’s important to give yourself grace and focus on self-care. Find simple things to relax and bring joy during this time–a walk, meditation, exercise, reading a book, friend time, or even resting and relaxation. This will recharge you to face the day and allow you to fully embrace the excitement of the season. Take a break if needed.
The holidays can bring up emotions that you felt were resolved. It’s natural to have feelings of grief resurface. You may need to seek support from your family and friends. You might consider help from a therapist or coach to help you navigate your feelings at this time. Being able to verbalize your feelings will be beneficial and help you understand your own emotions better as well.
You know yourself better than anyone and should have an idea of triggering events. Knowing this can help you prepare for potential triggers. Conflict can be avoided by having a strategy to remain in control, such as focusing on responding to conflict versus reacting, and also creating boundaries to help protect your emotions. Remember that you can only control yourself, so learning to let go of the rest will also help.
Flexibility is also important during the holidays. Be willing to celebrate a different date and open to including friends. Maybe do a brunch or appetizers and desserts instead of a big meal. Plans can change, and having flexibility can reduce stress in the moment. Also, remember that your children are watching you navigate this time, so it will help you set a good example of facing these changes.
Enjoy the little moments of the season. Enjoy the quiet mornings with a cup of coffee and a good book, light a candle, or have a diffuser with relaxing scents. Treat yourself to time with a friend, or drive around to look at the holiday lights. Celebrating simple things will help you release the stressors and uplift your spirits.
Navigating the holidays post-divorce requires a new perspective of patience and self-compassion. This can be challenging, but with support, it can also be a time of healing and new beginnings. Give yourself grace and allow yourself to embrace this new chapter. This is your time to make new traditions and memories with your family and friends. Remember, “if it is to be, it’s up to me”--you have to take the steps towards healing, but you don’t have to do it alone.
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